Happy Un-Birthday

#2

When I don't go the Pringles route. . .

In Chipotle today - yes, I do know many of my stories start out this way - this guy started talking to me. Because you know, just standing there and contemplating the burrito choices would be too much of a burden. Sometimes it takes me a second to realize someone is actually talking to me so I come off just a little retarded for a first impression.

I'm sorry, special.

Usually I pick up on it at the point where the person pauses for me to say something, and then I just nod and say "oh yes". It usually works well, unless the person happens to be saying something like "would it be ok if I dismembered you and then donated your torso to a group of necrophiliacs?" Then the "oh yes" response would just open up a whole can of worms. And then? Worms everywhere.

Anyhow, he tells me how he only eats burritos on special occasions because of the high fat/calorie content and that he is having one today because of some big deal he made at work.

I couldn't be any more happy for this man if . . . wait, I don't care.

So I say, "Oh yes, I only eat the burritos on special occasions too" (as I politely ask for MORE sour cream, please to the burrito making man making my burrito).

He asks, "What is your special occasion, young lady?"

I proudly say, "Why today is my birthday!"

To which the fine burrito making man that is making my overstuffed, sour cream-filled burrito says, "Wow, it is your birthday?! Your lunch is on me today!"

Are you kidding me? This is like, and no exaggeration here, but seriously? Pretty much the best day of my life. Free burrito AND chips AND salsa AND a diet coke. Just wow-ness.

The best part? It is so NOT my birthday, not in any way at all is it my birthday. It could not be more NOT my birthday unless it was my birthday. But it's not, so it can't be.

But you know what? I have a free burrito and you don't.

2007-04-12 at 1:26 p.m.