Swifty Samba

Forget what I said about Swifty the Lizard being allowed to live in my house.

See he kept moving around. What the heck? I was fine when he stayed in one location, but everytime I went in the room, he had shifted. Shifty Swifty.

So . . . I got a broom and Siamese Cat.

Seemed like a perfectly sensible plan at the time. Siamese Cat hid under the dresser while I tried to sweep Swifty down to the ground.

Swifty was fast! Jerk ran into my closet. Suck!

I had to peer around the edge, worried the whole time that he would jump on my head - I have a fear of bugs and animals jumping on my head. It's a legitimate fear. It is.

I got Swifty down the closet wall, close to the floor, then went to pry Siamese Cat out from under the dresser.

After five minutes of me holding Siamese Cat and saying, "See! See??" he located the lizard and quickly grabbed Swifty into his mouth.

Ok, do not worry, I did not want to have Swifty eaten alive, just removed from the premises and the possibility of head jumping upon.

I opened the front door and using the ever useful broom, swept both Siamese Cat and Swifty out the front door.

Then I went with the second part of the plan. That was the part of the plan where I hit Siamese Cat on the head with the broom, causing him to drop Swifty (and growl at me!). Swifty raced away to freedom and Siamese Cat earned a fancy feast dinner.

More importantly, I did not have to touch a lizard. I'm almost 32, and still have never touched a lizard. Why is that funny?

Oh, grow up.

2006-03-23 at 9:23 a.m.