Here is how I meet (and exceed!) each of the following skills for a job I applied for:

Positive mental attitude

- I am more than willing to come to work drugged and intoxicated

Good work ethics
- I would never steal anything with a value of over $500 (felony)

Excellent oral and written communication skills
- Able to type diaryland entries while talking to friends on phone

Excellent organizational skills
- All my paperclips have been connected into one continuous chain. My resume is always up to date.

Demonstrate ability to organize, prioritize numerous tasks and complete them under time constrains.
- Am able to perform all of the following simultaneously: diaryland entries, ordering shoes online, bidding on Ebay, eating crackers (with or without cheese), drinking diet coke (thru a straw or out of a bottle), applying lip gloss (cherry or rockin’ raspberry) listening to music (cd or, thinking of jewelry designs (ovals, squares, even hearts!), filing fingernails (square tip or round).

I think I’m going to get a phone call back on this one, I just have a really good feeling about it.

So . . . . nothing to report from Dullard’s last night. Wow, that sounds familiar. I worked with two college students. To try and steer the conversation away from pop culture, I decided it would be interesting to hear what they thought about the Gaza strip and all that’s going on over there. Of course that would require that they actually knew where that was because apparently they thought it was in Iraq. Or as Sonia put it, “isn’t that, like, in Iraq?”

So we went back to discussing Britney and Kevin. The consensus is that they’re gross. I agree with that.

Ernest (yes, that is really his name) went on to quote almost every single line from Steel Magnolias, doing a southern accent and hip shake. It sounds much more entertaining than it actually was. Then he proceeded to sing along with the fine Dullard’s musical selections which last night included “Bad Girls”, “Lady Marmalade”, and “Shake your Groove Thing”.

Then came the song “Cuando” which has the line cuando, cuando, cuando repeated over and over and over again.

I tried to do a crossword which Ernest decided he wanted to help with. By help, I mean he took the crossword puzzle. After 45 minutes he declared the puzzle stupid and unsolvable. Then he started singing along with “Car Wash”.

Went to the bathroom. Noted that the cosmetics manager, Athena, didn’t was her hands. I guess her theory is that if you don’t pee on your hand, no point in washing it. Quality management of Dullard’s.

Then as soon as it had begun, it was time to end. Closing time! Of course no one actually wants to leave the store. What’s up with that? You hear the closing announcements, but think you still have time to shop. It’s like those people that drive with their gas tank below empty. 9:00 at Dullard’s – you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay at the store.

I have to check my voicemail now to see what types of responses my job seeking efforts have produced.

2005-08-12 at 9:08 a.m.