Shins of a Crack Whore

I had to kill a roach this morning Ė is there any better way to start off the day? If there is, I just donít know what. He was way up high on my 374 foot ceiling, so I had to get a chair to stand on. Well I was reupholstering this particular chair and I must say it looks quite lovely, however I forgot to reattach the seat cushion to the frame with the screws that are sitting on the windowsill, so when I stood on it, I fell forward. Luckily the corner of the bed caught my shins quite effectively. In the past week my shins have been attacked by the corner of the bed, the coffee table, a dresser drawer and a bike pedal. I look like a crack whore. Well just from the knees down.

After recovering Ė that involved swearing and confusing the dog Ė I got back up on the chair, this time redistributing my body weight to compensate for the missing screw, and blasted the hell out of the roach with my can of Raid. That stuff has impressive spraying range! Roach fell, splat, but he was up high and there is sort of a cubby hole area at the top of my wall Ė I guess you could put plants or baskets or some other sort of roach hotel up there, but I couldnít see over it, so I am still blasting the Raid, when he comes over the edge and splats to the floor. Shoot! More Raid was dispensed. I think the rule is one can of Raid per bug, Iím sure Greenpeace would agree with me on that one.

At the request of EvilD, hereís the Vomit Pizza, er Breakfast Pizza recipe. Picture of all it in all its glistening, greasy goodness in the previous entry.

One can of biscuits, mash them together on a cookie sheet until you get something resembling a pizza crust shape. Cook those biscuits until a nice golden brown. They may puff up a bit even though you flatten them out to cook them, just mash them back down. Use a pot holder though, because hot biscuits? Burn!

Gravy Ė I make mine from a mix, although some people Iím sure could make gravy from scratch, using flour, lard, and something else Ė magic gravy dust? Also, the mix directions tell you to stir constantly, and thatís not just a guideline, stir constantly unless you want a big gravy ball, much less difficult to spread out. Most people probably know this already, but some people are well, me. Also if the directions call for two cups of water, then measure that because guesstimating what two cups looks like can lead to some serious gravy consistency issues. Seriously.

So then you place your layer of gravy over the biscuit crust. Oh you can add sausage to the gravy too.

Then it is a layer of scrambled eggs. I add tomatoes, sausage and green onions to mine, but pick your ingredients and go crazy.

Then it is el queso! That would be the cheese, yes a layer of wonderful cheese!!! Then more tomatoes! Why all the exclamation points? I donít know!!!

Cook until cheese is all melty, then enjoy. Then prepare for at least a two hour nap followed by potential bloating.

Iím going to attempt to make a skirt this weekend Ė in between the fun that is Dillardís. If it turns out well, maybe I will post pictures on Monday. How will you make it thru the weekend with the anticipation? I donít know, I just donít know.

2005-09-09 at 11:03 a.m.