My real name is . . .

I just checked my bossís calendar for March. Are you ready for this? For the almost five working weeks in March, he is gone for almost four of them. Rock out.

I did take down my pictures links and hopefully havenít given away too much information as to my identity so that someone could, oh I donít know, kill me. It could happen. It so could.

Just so we're clear, I'm actually a 57 year old man living in Missoula, Montana. My real name is Jim Wiczenski.

Ok, other stuff. Iím finishing off the juice fast today. I weighed myself this morning and I am at the exact same weight as last Wednesday. Let me say that again: The. Exact. Same. Weight. Son of a . . . . I know there are many reasons as to why this may have happened, but Iím in no mood to be logical right now. Donít mess with me. Why? My roommate did the juice week with me and she lost 10 pounds. Is it shallow of me that I hate her now? I may have to ask her to move out or Iím going to raise her rent, Iím thinking $25 per pound she lost, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

The cd player in my car is going out. This makes me so sad. Actually itís the tape player thatís going out, I have the ghetto-rigged cd player with cassette adapter, powered by a cigarette lighter. Be jealous. Itís sad because I canít listen to morning radio, I canít. I need music. You know Iím not even going to discriminate, any music, just play a song. Even Britney Spe@rs, there is no shame in my game. No Shame. Every single station in the morning has someone talk, talk, talking, thinking they are so funny and amusing. All I want is one damn song. Just one. No traffic or weather either, ok? Let me break it down:

Traffic: Sucks. Itís Florida. Millions of retired fools, RV driving tourists, disgruntled Disney employees and about 374,895 orange barrels. You do the math. If thereís an accident, donít tell me to take an alternate route, hello, donít you think everyone else already thought of that?

Weather: Florid@, hmmmm . . . Sunny, partly cloudy by late afternoon, chance of showers. The hell you say.

Donít even get me started on the news. You canít really call it news if your top story is Nick and Jessic@ís marital status. Ok, you just canít.


2005-02-23 at 9:08 p.m.