My stupid Siamese cat just sat by the front door all weekend trying to formulate a plan of escape for any time the door was opened. Of course once he got out the front door, panic set in quickly and he begged to be let back in by meowing like his fat head was on fire. We repeated this series of events about 37 times.
My angry orange cat continued to be angry.
And the dog? The dog tore apart two large dolls that our neighbor gave me. You know those stupid dolls people have in front of their houses or wherever, where itís a little girl or boy, but just the back of them, you canít see the face? Iím not explaining this too well, but it's like something a homemaker in Kansas would have sitting by their front door in the suburbs. Right next to one of those crapstink geese that you change the outfits on depending on the season. Stop looking at me like I'm a retard, you all know what I am talking about. The goose? That you dress up? Like with a raincoat or a santa outfit? Forget it. Anyhow for unknown reasons she thought I would like these dumbass dolls. The dog ripped them limb from limb. Stuffing and doll parts from one end of the living room to the other. Today I packed the dismembered corpses inside two well sealed plastic bags so as to conceal the evidence from neighbor.
Last night, 10:00 p.m., this huge bird slowly flew over the tennis court after I hit a ball into the trees, I swear it was a pterodactyl.
I spelled pterodactyl right on my very first try, rock on. Oooh, also I only hit 3 balls into the woods, I think I am improving dramatically. Gross exaggeration by the way, but I am improving slightly, how's that?
This is the e-mail I just got from one of my bosses, check it:
I am going back to the dermatologist tomorrow morning for her to look at my face and chest. I guess it is improving but I hope she has some wonder cream that I can use to get rid of the red stuff that now has taken over my face and chest. The appointment is at 8:00 a.m. in Palm Harbor so I should be here no later than 9:30.
Sweet cracker sandwich woman, could you not have just said I have a dermatologist appointment and left it at that? Now I am thinking about red stuff overtaking faces and chests, and that's never good. I am trying really, really hard not to stare at her chest every time she walks by. Red stuff, what the heck???
I have been here at work one day this week and it's not going well. This place is like being at the gym Ė time actually slows down.
I am thinking of applying for a position in another department here. It's a paralegal position. I have no legal experience and no interest in anything legal, so wish me luck!
I've been trying to figure out why this dude W here is so weird, and I think I have figured it out. See originally I thought it was the freaky porn starish mustache, but now I think it is his pants. He wears them really high, approximately 15 3/8 inches above where normal people wear their pants. See, weird right?
This job is just not working for me. My plan was always alimony, but I am way off schedule. I should have at least three ex-husbands by now.
What? Oh right, the gay thing is interfering with that plan.
2005-01-10 at 9:36 p.m.