Pondering

So Iíve been thinking about things. One of the things Iíve pondered about is why I dropped out of pharmacy school - aside from the obvious hospitalization I entered into of course. I think I originally wanted to be a pharmacist because I had family expectations of going down that path, or some professional career. I always did well in school and liked science, so it seemed to make sense. I always had this sense of urgency, like I had to do something really big and really important with my life for reasons I won't go into in a public diary. Plus it seemed to impress people and thatís always important.


Last year, I had this student internship that went over the winter holiday at research hospital. It was an internship where we were researching different cancer drugs. It was, like, a really serious job. Seriously. And I really realized at that point that this was important work and that if you were going to pursue something like this, you better be dedicated to it, you better feel it in your bones, and you better be extremely passionate about it. It's so important that whoever chooses that career be really into it so that they can maybe do something revolutionary and incredible for society. It's not a joke. Did I say itís serious? Because it is serious, serious like a bath. Basically it came down to the fact that I didn't have that passion for it, and I realized it. And I also realized that I did have a passion for something else, but Iím not going to tell what that is because Iím eeeeeeeeevil like that. Maybe I can impact the world and make a difference for the better through my natural talents (Iím sure theyíre in there somewhere, perhaps I could amaze and electrify people with my mosquito-killing-mirror-breaking act) versus going down the path of pharmacy. I think I could have been a good pharmacist because I really care about people, but I felt like I would be taking up a slot in pharmacy school that rightfully belonged to somebody else, somebody who could maybe be great. So I quit, three years and $30,000 into the program, I just quit and wound up typing memos and making coffee.


I always feel like it's worthwhile to do something in life where you feel that you can contribute not only to your own good but to the good of a larger group. Deep, isnít it? And I think doctors do that, I think teachers do that, I think everybody can actually do that in their own job. It's just being aware of it and actively pursuing it. I mean, everybody has that opportunity. I definitely have NOT been doing that here in my position as secretary extraordinaire these last five months. Okay then.

2002-09-05 at 8:58 a.m.