I had a small car accident yesterday. A dinger.

I was waiting behind a dodge caravan that was waiting to make a left turn onto a busy street. I remember thinking, "shoot, this is going to take forever, damn woman, why don't you just go right like a normal person?"

Then I looked out the window where the new Tito's retaurant was being built and I breifly thought the sign said "Tit's" and I remember thinking, "now what in the tits is that all about?"

Right so then Dodge Caravan decides screw the left turn and backs up.

Oh yeah, I am behind her, but she doesn't see me and I don't see her because I am off in titland.

At the last second I see her and I think aw, crap.

Sequence of events:

1. See back up lights
2. Think, "oh, she sees me"
3. Think, "hmm, does she see me?"
4. Think, "crap, she doen't see me"
5. Allow Dodge Caravan to ram into front bumper.
6. Wait two seconds after impact, honk horn

I am pretty awesome this much all the time.

Cracked bumper.

Secret? It was already cracked from last October when the same thing happened. . . I did not mention this fact to Dodge Caravan. I mean honestly, if it was not already cracked, I am certain the impact would have cracked it based on the speed of the Caravan, the size of my car, and the humidity.

I am thinking if I can get someone to hit my bumper every month or so I can quit one of my jobs and live off of insurance checks.

Anyhow, here's hoping for another nice insurance check. From her company, not mine. Mine has a $1,000 deductible so I'd pretty much have to set the whole thing on fire, then have it crushed by a herd of large, angry animals, fill it with killer bees, and push it into the bay to collect on that policy.

After I filed the claim, Caravan calls and asks if she can just pay me for damages and not go through insurance.


That probably would have been better, I think. I'm not really sure actually.

Oh well, piss on it. Let it dry and then piss on it again.

2006-09-13 at 10:56 a.m.