Yo no soy esa mujer

I donít like Wal-Mart that much. Ok, at all. Itís too overwhelming I think, and a little depressing. I understand the whole competitive price thing they have going on, but shoot. I would rather just go to Whole Foods Ė besides Iím single, if I want to buy overpriced organic food, thatís my thing. Of course, if I had children, you can bet I would be going to WM and buying ramen noodles and kool-aid by the case for the little crack monkeys.

That being said, Saturday (Saturday!!) I wound up at the Super WM, and I just have to say hey had some cute ass workout clothes. When did this happen? You can bet once my check is direct deposited on Wednesday I will be going there for some matching Danskin v-neck shirts and matching cropped yoga pants. I am not even kidding. I already bought one set in purple, black and white (cuter than I am typing on it, no doubt). The rest of their clothing line is still quite woof-y, but workout clothes, who knew?

My mechanic, Donovan, just called. Weíre on a first name basis as he has been calling me daily for the past five days to update me on the progress of my vehicle. More like reverse progress.

Grand total: $1,069.11

Holy frijoles! (See how I am incorporating Spanish into my everday vocab? Before long, I will be habla-ing espanol like you wonít even believe*.)

$1,069.11 before tax. Thanks Donovan, you are an automotive all-star.

Letís see, battery was dead. I knew this. Fuel pump had to be replaced. Then the fuel gauge didnít work because the thing in the gas tank that measures the fuel, the floaty gas tank thing, was not doing its job. I opted to go ahead and have that replaced because without a working gas gauge I would be running out of gas waaay more.

This is actually probably not true as with a fully functional gas gauge I still run out of gas. I think it stems from my belief that the E doesnít actually mean empty, but instead means Eeeeeeehhh, you can go a little farther Toasty, trust me!

I fall for it every time too. Every time, I kid you not.

Sometimes if I am close to running out of gas, I turn off the radio. Because the radio totally eats up so much gas. My grasp of automotive workings knows no bounds.

*Back to the Spanish speaking thing. This telemarketing company keeps calling me (1-800-395-2274) 5 times a day. Again with the not kidding. Hereís the crapass part though. My voice mail will pick up and the message will go as follows:

Recorded voice: Please hold the line for an important call, all of our operators are currently busy, please remain on the line, your call is . . .

Live Operator: Hello. Hello? Hello?

Sound of dial tone.

Fools are calling me at my own home and they want me to hold, then they are too stupid to realize they have voice mail. Oh hell no.

So last night I picked up the phone when they called and shouted, ďI am not that woman, jackass!Ē

But I shouted it in Spanish.

Nothing scarier than a white girl that cannot roll her rís yelling Spanish at you.

It is so scary, pfftt, like you even know.

Oh right, back to the car. So the a/c wasnít working either, and this being Florida, well that just was not working for me. My deoderant is only so powerful.

The good news it just needed freon. One pound of freon. Is anyone else pissed off that we are NOT using the goddamn metric system. Three units all based on the power of 10, how is that even hard?

Iím unfocused today, I am aware.

Also had to replace the windshield wiper motor because the wipers were not working. It rains a surprising amount here in a state called the sunshine state.

I think thatís all I had to get fixed.

Oh no wait, the oil leak. Apparently oil? Pretty important to a car running.

I need some cheese.

2006-01-24 at 2:57 p.m.