A Month in the Life of Toast

Someone left me negative feedback at my etsy shop. What a hoser. It is so not too big for a child because I know at least two children who bought one at my craft fair, and hello, fits just fine. Stupid shop, I am done with selling stuff for a while. People suck.

My dog threw up at 4 in the morning. He sounds like a cat when he throws up, the hork-hork-hork sound that is like the 5 second warning before spewing occurs? Anyhow. I ran into the living room and tried to unlock the deadbolt and throw his furry ass onto the porch before the foamy stuff came out of his big head, but no. Was not to be. All over the floor. So then there were paper towels and a quick swiffer wetjet of the area.

And then.

I ran into the coffee table with my left knee (my favorite knee). I think I broke it. My knee, not the table. It could be broken, maybe I just have a high pain tolerance.

Ok, it's so not broken, but it hurts and it's purple and puffy. So there.

There was some profanity and for a brief moment, a beating of the coffee table with a flip flop.

Stupid ass coffee table.

Last week I went for a walk and it rained hard for five minutes, stopped for five minutes of intense heat, and this process repeated for about, oh 37 times. It was fun. I was worried that my nipples were showing thru my white sports bra/shirt. I mean I spent a lot of time thinking about my nipples that day. Way more than usual anyhow.

If your hair is pulled back in a pony tail, gets wet, dries, gets sweaty, and dries again, it forms a really interesting hairstyle when the pony tail holder is removed.

I refer to this style as Head of Dried Turds.

It's hot.

I'm leaving for Atlanta in 3 hours. I'm driving. It's only about an 8 hour drive and shall be filled with caffeine and possibly Funyuns.

For the fun, naturally.

Then tomorrow I am taking a hot yoga class. I am guessing that is like yoga, only hotter.

God, I am a genius.

Then Sunday, I will be going skydiving. Yes, seriously. My friend said, "Toast, if I pay for you to go skydiving, will you go with me?" to which I figured, what the heck.

Monday morning I am driving back. Bah!

And that sums up the past Month of Toast.

2006-06-23 at 8:39 p.m.