Living the Dream

Maybe you wonder what it is like to work at Dillardís. . . it all seems so glamorous and exciting. I mean who hasnít wondered?? Except for Orangeslush, she has already experienced the magic that comes from wearing the gold Dillardís nametag. For the rest of the world, you could only dream. Up until now. Well dream no more, let me take you on a journey.

Step 1:
Before the day can even begin, the all important Dillardís-approved wardrobe choice must be made. Shoes can be either 1) open-toed only if closed in the back or 2) open-backed only if closed-toed in the front. See, itís already getting complicated.

Step 2:
30 minutes to get to work. Notice the high quality sound system in my car. Be jealous.

Step 3:
I really wanted a good picture of this store. Unfortunately this giant ass truck pulled up. They have a sign on the window that says ďWe have pigsĒ. Live pigs? Iím intrigued, but not quite enough to go inside. If you buy a sandwich at this store, you may be insane.

Step 4:
Traffic Ė welcome to Florida!
If you look closely you can see The Waffle House, The Days Inn, and Bliss Cabaret. So on the way to Dillardís you can get some flapjacks, a bed, and a stripper.

Step 5:
Drive over long ass bridge.

Step 6:
Arrive at mall. Wait at this stoplight for approximately 37 minutes.

Step 7:
The promised land

Step 8:
Not so fast, this is where you go in.

Step 9:
Welcome to Terror Dome (the Menís department on a Saturday)

Step 10-737:
It gets worse. The Dockers. Oh the horror.

Step 11, 17, 24
Break time. Notice the luxurious break area provided to Dillardís employees. Again, be prepared to BE JEALOUS.

Step 12
Back to pants mania

Step 13
Lunch! So many choices . . .

Step 14
And the winner is . . .

Step Repeat Until you Die

One last shot for all to enjoy Ė notice they are BIG MAN!

Now you have lived through a Dillardís day. Youíre probably feeling dizzy, maybe youíve lost the will to live a little bit, maybe you need a nap. These are all normal feelings. Go with it.

2005-09-19 at 12:42 p.m.