Job History

Worked at Dullard’s all weekend. Did I mention I am back to working there part-time? Yes, well. I had found another part-time job, but it didn’t exactly work out. When Dullard’s called begging me to come back, I said ok. At least that’s how I remember it happening. Reverse that scenario and you will probably have a closer approximation of the events as they actually happened. If you’re into that kind of thing.

Anyhow . . . anyhow. Now back to my Monday-Friday job. Let’s see, today is . . . Monday. Crap. However my boss is out of town this week. And four of the vice presidents. Still don’t really want to be here though.

My friend Selena stayed the night last night. She has temperature regulation problems I think. I told her NOT to touch the thermostat. I compromised and put it on 78 even though I knew I would be cold (my usual is 80 for sleeping temperature). AND she put two fans on high on herself, ok??

Upstairs in my room, I FROZE all night. I thought what the heck, I have three blankets and flannel pants on, how is this right? Turns out, she had turned the thermostat down to 72!!! That is just wrong. Let me say it again, 72 degrees!! Next time she stays over I am charging her a pro-rated portion of the electric bill.

So I am verrry sleepy today as I was shivering like a shaved chihuahua in a blizzard all night long. Shoot.

For no reason at all, here’s a list of jobs I have held in my lifetime (possibly in order, but hard to say really):

United Supers – Deli/bakery clerk. Gained weight at this job.

TJ Cinnamons – Cashier. Gained much more weight.

Hardees – Cashier (I only lasted two weeks)

Hy-Vee Grocery store – Started in bakery, then went to deli. Exciting, I know. Fired for passing out in the cafeteria after drinking.

Information Products – Word Processing specialist. This is where the clerical hell began.

Missouri Department of Probation and Parole – Clerk Typist. I was fired from this job for no apparent reason. No, really.

Burns & McDonnell Engineering – Forget what I was. Word Processor? Only lasted here about two weeks.

Arrow Fork Lift – Data Entry. Sat in a back room with a pasty blobby guy named Stew who really, really, really liked Metallica.

McClelland Law Firm - worked in the basement as some sort of legal secretary hybrid while the cross eyed receptionist sat quietly upstairs and the paralegal sometimes burst into tears. Two giant geese would attack me as I tried to smoke on the balcony. Really. Learned a valuable lesson: I can't work with lawyers. Ever.

Kohl’s – Cashier. Partied a lot while at this job.

United States Navy – Nuclear Reactor Operator. What? I know, shut up

Cemex – Sales Clerk. Stupid ass job. Lots of overtime pay for doing nothing.

Fruit Basket Delivery – on roller skates. Top that one.

Some Medical Place – transcription, Saturdays only. Lasted three months due to waking up one Saturday and deciding I would rather sleep.

The HomePlace – Cashier. Three weeks? They didn't have smoke breaks. Enough said.

Osbourne Laboratories – Data Entry. Worked Wednesday-Saturday. No one else worked Saturdays except me. Used to complete all my work in an hour on Saturday mornings, would go home and chill out for 6 hours, then come back and time out. Quit after 3 months due to boredom.

Santa Fe Place Apartments – Receptionist. Used to steal diet coke out of the model apartment fridge and smoke cigarettes on the model apartment balcony. The phone never rang and I read books and magazines for 8 hours straight.

Truman Medical Center – Senior Secretary. That’s right, SENIOR. Be so proud. Came in late, took two hour lunches, and left early.

Hechler Orthodontics – Receptionist. Lasted about three months. Phones are not my thing. Also, Dr. Hechler and his wife used to wear matching pants. Plaid. It was disturbing.

Pharmacy – intern.

Sears – Visual Coordinator. Again, what? I had to drive around this machine that raised and lowered me so that I could change out all the gigantic signs in the store. One time I brought ito down on the door by accident and smashed the glass.

JoAnn Fabrics – Customer Service. Was once hit in the head with a skein of yarn by an old lady who was not happy with our refund policy.

UMKC School of Dentistry – Receptionist. Shared cubicle space with insane woman.

Bath & Body Works – Cashier? Only worked two days. Blue thing, couldn't convince myself to get out of bed to go.

The Jones Store – Cashier. Spent four times as much money on clothes as I actually made.

Burdines – Cashier. Lasted 6 weeks. Was a commission position. Turns out commission is not my thing, I just don’t care enough.

Albertson’s Bakery – Clerk. Wore all white and ate too many sweets.

Dillard’s – Pants slave

Temp Services – too many to count. Have been sent out to every type of job you can imagine. And some you can’t.

Current Job – can’t tell you what it is, but my title is Executive Assistant. Yes, executive. Amazing.

Guess that’s about it. For now.

2005-08-01 at 8:57 a.m.