Humidified Poohuahuas

Last month, I helped my friend drive her car to Denver, along with her dog and all her possessions that would fit in her little sports car.

About oh, I don't know, 20 miles into this 2,000 mile trip, the air conditioner stopped working.

Heading from Florida across the South in a car without air conditioning, a dog, and no hope of un-humidified air is kind of - what's the word - hellish.

Except I think hell is less humid, it's probably more of a dry heat.

Luckily the dog remained in a semi-comatose state (unlike his normal hyper car riding self) due to heat exhaustion. I kept pouring cold water on his head. And my head too.

I did not know the insides of my elbows could possibly sweat so much. Now I know. Not sure what I will do with this information, but one day it may be necessary.

We stopped in New Orleans to walk around because we weren't feeling hot enough already. We stopped at 1:00 p.m. to walk around.

We are geniuses. Geniuses I tell you!

The dog did not appreciate this side trip at all.

But! I had a nice icy cold mudslide and that seemed to soothe me somewhat before getting back in the car. I also bought some prailines, a small buddha statue and some incense.

We stopped in Texas to visit my friend's family. Guess what? Massive storms the night before in Texas. Guess what else? No electricity at the house.

It's like I was destined to not be cool for the entire week.

My friend's house, ok. So it is her mom, dad, me and friend in a two bedroom house. Fine, fine.

Except it is so not that way. It is the four of us, plus a couple of cousins that stopped by, an aunt and uncle, a niece, a few chihuahuas (not making this stuff up). I think 37 people spent the night in the house.

My friend said, "well we are Latin" to explain away anything and everything that I found unusual.

I had to share a bed with three people and a miniature chihuahua named Missy.

See, now my family? We don't roll like that. Heck my parents didn't even sleep in the same bed.

What?

We stopped at another relative's house in another Texas town. Friend's uncle lives there and has pet chihuahuas as well as poodles.

He, for unknown reasons, decided to breed them into mutant poohuahuas or chioodles, whichever you prefer.

The worst qualities of each dog is present in the resulting mess. Yappy, spindly legs, weird tufts of hair, watery eyed, 2 lb little freaks of nature.

I think everyone in the town owns one. What the heck, after about an hour, I decided I wanted one. . . but I resisted the siren call of the alluring yet repugnant poohuahua.

You want one, don't you? I can get you your very own poohuahua, just you let me know. I will hook you up.

Anyhow, eventually made it to Colorado. After I flew back home, I spent the next 12 hours in a super cooled house with the lights out. It was dreamy.

You only wish you could have vacations as awesome as mine.

2007-07-17 at 11:01 a.m.