You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it give you the milk for free

I don't have to work at Dillard's tonight, pbltttttt!

Someone stole my purse there on Friday. For serious.

Ok, so we have to carry a CLEAR plastic purse when we work there. Be impressed with how much trust is given to a Dillard's employee.

Right, so I just carry important stuff like lip gloss, gummi bears, scissors, cigarettes, stuff like that. The oh-so attractive clear bag gets placed in a cabinet under the register.

So I'm all working like a good Dillard's employee when I hear the Nautica rep (if ever there were a useless job) say, "Toast, was that your purse?"

My first thought was why the heck is she using the past tense in regard to my purse? That just cannot be a good sign.

She says three girls just came buy and took it from under the counter. Nice.

James and Walter take off, then I take off too. By the time I get to the cosmetics counter, I realize that I have no idea what these girls look like, and since it is the day after thanksgiving, approximately 37,849 people are in the store. I apply some lip gloss and some of J-Lo's new perfume and return back to Big and Tall.

I realize my keys are in the purse and wonder how I will get home and figure a friend can bring me a set. Then I realize my cigarettes are gone and I won't be able to smoke while I wait. Harshness.

But then a true holiday miracle occurred! James had chased the girls out the door to the parking lot and they threw my purse in the bushes. Wusses. Poor James, his heart was beating like a rabbit, especially after Walter told him that he shouldn't have ran out the doors because those girls probably had guns. Walter says he knows stuff like that because he grew up in the ghetto, but I'm guessing he probably grew up in Westchase. Anyhow.

Everything was still there, except for $10 and a tube of bonne belle lip smackers sparkle gloss. Score.

And that's the end of that compelling story.

2005-12-01 at 8:58 a.m.