Screw the IRS. Screw the IRS with a sharp, jagged, vd-ridden pole. Assrods.

Ok, right, so there is a story that goes along with that sentiment. I received a letter from the IRS stating that I owed $1,674 from my 2001 tax return. Right so ok, it is apparently not, I repeat NOT ok to lie on your tax return. I had 7 or 8 jobs in 2001, moving around a lot or whatever, so I only reported the two jobs that would give me the largest refund. It seemed like a good plan at the time. Except everything is all computerized and the IRS has a record of each and every W-2. Once again, technology bites glitterkick in the ass. They are working out a convenient payment plan for me. I don't know how convenient it is, but I guess it's more convenient than prison. I'm to fragile for that kind of lifestyle.

So then I finally finished my kitchen cabinets. More or less. Most of my skin has grown back from the paint thinner splattering accident, showing remarkable regenerative cell regrowth. I guess that would just be growth as the regenerative implies the re part. Me fail english, that’s unpossible! I managed to finally open the bottom drawer that was nailed shut. At first I was worried, like what kind of freak nails a drawer shut? What if there were dead bugs in there, or a severed head? Because bugs, even dead ones, totally freak my shit out. Turns out there was no drawer. It was just a false front with a handle covering a big, gaping hole. Was there ever a drawer there? If so, what happened to it? Sadly, we may never know. I nailed it back shut and moved on with my life. I’ll post pictures as soon as I feel like it. You know you want to see them.

I’ve been humming all day to my cat, it seems to soothe him. Strangers in the Night. Instead of words, I go “doobie, doobie doooooooooooo doo doo doo doo”. It’s very exciting for him. I don’t sing in front of anyone else and there is a reason for that. I’ll share it now. See in the fourth grade there was a singing group called the Village Kids. The Village Kids got to go to the shopping malls during school and sing and annoy the hell out of shoppers. Plus they got to wear this cool uniform – denim vest, white oxford shirt and blue jeans. Hey, you would think it was cool too if you grew up in the Midwest. And you were a really stupid kid. Everyone had to tryout, so I sing my two verses of America the Beautiful, all up in the waves of amber grain, what have you, and the next day checked the results. Four kids out of 100 did not make it. The Goth Girl (and yes, she was already up in being the goth girl in 4th grade, the Fat Kid Who Ate Paste, the Kid Who Freaked Out Whenever Anyone Touched Him, and me. As an interesting side note, the Kid Who Freaked Out Whenever Anyone Touched Him, I always used to “accidentally” poke him in the shoulder, so much so that a note was sent home – “please ask Glitterkick to refrain from poking the Kid Who Freaks Out Whenever Anyone Touches Him”. Heh. So while all the denim wearing fools were at the mall, the four of us had to weed the garden in the courtyard. I personally pulled up every tulip I could get my hands on. Years later I would find out that my dad had dated the music teacher. The women my dad dated usually ended up clutching the hood of his car as he pulled away pledging their undying devotion to him, or, in one memorable incident, setting all his clothes on fire in our front yard. My dad was so cool. And that is why I do not sing. Breaks your heart, doesn’t it? Except for Copa Cabana, if that ever comes on the radio, I am all over that song. If I was a stripper I would totally change my name to Lola Bigcups, although I would need some serious surgery to fit that name, and I am not trying to be having breasts the size of my head, so that dream will have to die.

And then there is the bug bite on my leg. Mosquito, black widow, flea? I do not know. It has like a red area around it so I am totally convinced that I have ringw0rm. That is unacceptable, I am not down with the w0rms. Because w0rms? Okay, yeah, ewwwww. After some research, I figured out ringw0rm is caused by a fungus, not an actual worm. Whew! Not that I have mad love for fungus, but it is on a level above a w0rm. It makes sense in my mind anyhow, and really in there it is a whole different world.

2003-04-21 at 11:34 p.m.