Blue Foamy Toilet

So letís just say that I accidentally flushed an empty cardboard toilet paper roll down my toilet. We can say that because it actually happened. No, no I do not want to explain how or why it happened. Sometimes things happen in this life that just canít be explained.

Iím just going to assume that I had a small stroke, that seems the most reasonable explanation.

Did you know that cardboard doesnít flush very well? I do.

Oh it went down all right. I watched it swirl around and I tried to grab it, but alas, it was too late.

My toilet still flushes, but the water goes down very, very, very slowly. That canít be a good sign.

What to do, what to do. I went and bought Liquid Snake Plumber (or some such thing) which is the strongest drain blaster on the market. Thatís right, the strongest. Rock the house down.

$4.99 and an hour later? Lots of foaming. And? The toilet is still flushing very, very, very slowly.

When I explained to my roommate what happened Ė after the 12th time using her bathroom, she became suspicious Ė she laughed. Then she laughed some more. Thatís helpful.

I thought what would Joan Crawford do in this situation? Thatís when the wire hanger idea came to me. Yes, the wire hanger idea which would be the idea where I stick a wire hanger down the toilet in an attempt to free a cardboard roll of toilet paper.

Can anyone guess where this is going?

Yes, well now I have a cardboard toilet paper roll stuck somewhere in my pipes as well as a wire hanger sticking halfway out, all covered in a blue foaminess.

You try explaining that one to a plumber.

Luckily I didn't implement my other plan. That would be the plan where I send some sharp-toothed hamsters with an insatiable thirst for cardboard down the drain. I would naturally outfit them with little scuba suits before plunging their furry asses down the pipe. I still think that's not a half bad plan, but I'm probably having another stroke, so who's to say.

2005-08-22 at 9:42 a.m.