Blood Ring

Normally I like to think I am pretty awesome, but last night I thought I was pretty freakiní awesome.

I personally took apart my car door. Did you know there are approximately 374 screws holding a car door together? True. If you are unsure what ones exactly you should take out to remove the power window switch, do what I did: remove them all! Trust me, way more fun. And saved myself $69 the automotive fools would have charged me JUST to remove the door panel. Suck! Then I replaced the whole switch assembly ($20 on Ebay as opposed to the $300 the automotive place wanted). And then Ė and this is the key part Ė I was able to actually replace the door with only two left over screws (because you never know when you will need a good screw. Sorry, had to be said).

My neighbors all came outside to watch because it was so impressive. Or perhaps I just live in the most boring neighborhood in Florida.

And now? I can successfully go through the McDonaldís drive thru window. And the angels sang. And that is why I upgraded myself from awesome to freakiní awesome.

Unfortunately it was only the driverís window, the passenger window is refusing to comply with the new switch. I think it is the motor. Thatís my mechanical diagnostic opinion of the problem. This makes The Dog very sad as his greatest thrill in life is to stick his head out of a car window at 45 mph. (the fastest I can go in this car since the tires start shaking over this speed).

Other than his other greatest thrill that is. And that thrill would be licking Siamese Catís fat head. The Dog is going to be the only one in town on cat hairball medication if this keeps up.

So . . . I sold my furniture on Ebay. Some crazy lady is coming to pick it up on Saturday. Letís hope she shows. Then I am moving my three pets and my window-fixing self to a new, much smaller apartment across the bridge. Should be fun. It seems to be cockroach free which I think is good. Real good.

My space heater at my desk sounds like a cricket. My illegal space heater under my desk is trying to rat me out.

A co-worker just asked me to try on a $12,000 engagement ring that he is trying to sell on Ebay so he could photograph it on a hand. My hand. It almost didnít fit, but perseverance pays off. Of course, I was panicked it wouldnít come off like the time I was 9 and put on a ring that didnít fit and my finger turned purple. My mom, instead of rushing me to a healthcare professional, rushed me three houses down to Ron Ashmore. Why? Because he owned a hacksaw. Yes, a hacksaw. And a vise! So Ron put my hand in a vise and sawed of my ring.

Not exactly though.

Hacksaws and human flesh donít work so well together so there was some blood. Lots of blood.

The good thing about blood? Slippery. And that ring? Slid right off once the blood got pumping.

That's all.

Except today I found out my credit score. And it's lower than most crack whores. Most, but not all. That counts for something.

2006-03-21 at 2:15 p.m.