Angry Cat in a Hot Wool Skirt

Ok, so every year for the past 15 years, I have moved. New keys, new zip code, new state (sometimes), new toilet to flush.

My mom thinks this is a horrible lifestyle. She has lived in her house for 31 years. Every now and then I realize that we are very different people. She can’t imagine my life and I suffocate thinking of hers.

So every two to three years, there is a BIG move for me at which time I get rid of lots and lots of stuff. You know, stuff. Right, stuff.

The problem with this system is that once I move, I accumulate more stuff. Now most people would say that I have less stuff than anyone they know, but I think it is still too much damn stuff.

Stuff!!!!!!!!!

So then! I am selling all the stuff on craigslist and ebay.

Wool skirts. I own wool skirts. First off? Itchiness. Second? I live in Florida. Crazy crackers. I really don’t know if anyone will actually buy a wool skirt off of Ebay in the summer, but there’s always Goodwill.

Wool skirts in Florida, I swear to Bob, things will fly off the racks at Goodwill.

I’ve sold all my furniture except my bedroom set. Someone was supposed to pick it up Wednesday, but those craigslist people are tricky bastards.

Here’s the change: I am moving, but I am not buying new stuff. I am staying with friends for a few months until I figure out what/where/how I am going, and then? I am going and everything I own is going to fit in my car with enough room left over for my Big Gulp.

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I also downsized my cats. I am down to one cat. Siamese Cat went to live with a friend in Atlanta. I have been thinking of giving him to her for a while because he is a very friendly kind of cat and I think he will bring some happiness to her. I do miss him though.

Siamese Cat was very bendy and pliable. Sometimes I would pick him up and sit him on my shoulder and pretend he was a parrot and I was a pirate and I would wander around the house going “arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, matey!”. It was our thing.

As for Orange Cat , well . . . she is so not Siamese Cat. I tried to pick her up and swing her around like him last night and she let me know in no uncertain terms that will not happen again. Orange Cat is declawed, but front only. I have a wicked angry scratch mark on my leg. Scratch mark is not descriptive enough. Gaping wound from the talons of satan? Razor sharp claws, I kid you not. Bled like a mother cracker too.

I tried clipping her back claws once. There was an incident. Won’t be trying that again ever.
Ok, lesson learned. I am going to see if my mom will take Orange Cat for a few months. No one likes her, including my mom. She took her once before and it didn't go that well, there was an incident, so we will see . . .

Orange Cat does not like to be picked up, held, cuddled, or in any way handled. Petting is ok, at approved times. The schedule of approved times changes hourly and without advance notice.

Orange Cat is the reason why I buy band-aids in bulk.

Maybe I should wrap her up in a fully lined wool skirt and clip her claws? I’ll let you know how that rolls out.


2007-06-01 at 10:55 a.m.