In Which I Attempt to List Every Person I Have EVER Met in My Life

If you're on the list, send me a note - chances are we haven't talked in forever. . . or read every single entry and don't tell me. Whatever floats your boat. Childhood Friends

Arika Wilkerson – my first school friend in kindergarten. I wound up joining Skylarks because of her (and eventually Orioles), and I even wanted to become a mormon (because she was one.) She was friends with Stacy Vaccaro. I remember I made Arika a glitter card with her name on it and gave it to her on the bus so she would be my friend. Stacy helpfully pointed out that I spelled her name wrong. Hmmmph. She had two little brothers and a big giant boxer dog.

Crystal Vassey – we were friends because in kindergarten we sat next to each other. She lived at the Little Village apartments with her mom and brother. Her mom tried to make me eat spinach for dinner one night, and when I refused, she sent me home.

Johnny Hummel – My first boyfriend, and an older man. I was 5, he was 6. I used to steal his hat on the bus and he would kiss me. Scandalous.

Christina Marshall – I don’t know why I decided to make her my friend, but sometime around the 4th grade, that’s what I decided. She was friends with Patricia Davis and they would play with their My Little Pony collection in the field at recess and everyone would make fun of them. Christina wore these incredibly thick glasses and talked with a lisp. I don’t think her mom like me too much. We used to play Joust on her computer. Also, she once fell in my swimming pool fully clothed.

DeeAnna Creek – I thought DeeAnna was just so adorable and little, I decided she was my best friend in 6th grade. We used to spend the night at each other’s houses and go to the mall and steal jewelry from Claire’s and eat nachos from Taco Bell. It was a time.

Shawna Russell and Charlie Russell – they lived across the street from me in the brown house. They had a big, sad white dog named Sally. Shawna was a year older and Charlie a year younger. Charlie punched me in the stomach once when I wouldn't give him gum. Before they moved in, Sheila lived in the brown house.

Rebecca and Sarah Chartier – they lived across the street in the reddish house. They always had their hair cut in bowl-cuts and were super weird. Rebecca was larger and for a while, had a phobia of going to the bathroom. Once when the tornado siren went off, their mom, Cheryl, told me to run home. I mean really, what if there had been an actual tornado? I could have gone all Dorothy. Also? Their furniture was covered in plastic. No, really.

Julie and Matt Llewellyn – weird kids, didn’t live their long. Matt stuttered. Julie was older.

Shackleford Sisters – lived next to the Russells and used to babysit us. Told us horror stories to scare the crap out of us. I think their names were Cheryl and Charlene. Their little brother Robbie was super weird.

Connie Uptegrove – just past the Shacklefords. She liked to play with Star Wars toys, but was embarrassed about it, so she hid them in her drawer.

Michelle and Annette Lopez – Next to the Chartiers. My mom used to babysit the Lopez girls and their half sister Meghan. One time my mom wasn't paying attention and Meghan fell down the stairs in her walker. My mom, babysitter of the year.

Heather English/Eric English – lived next door to me (we shared a backyard) until I was about 7 or 8. I thought her parents, Jill and Rex were so cool. They moved to Blue Springs (oh the big bright city, so cool) and got divorced shortly after. Heather and I kept in touch, on and off. I went to her 6th grade party. Sometime in high school we went cruising along Noland Road. She was kind of mess though, dating skeezy guys and attempting suicide every other week. I sometimes wonder what happened to her. Eric used to have pet gerbils.

Wendy and Tresse Sims – they were so mean. Tiny identical twins. Short, skinny and with glasses, and feathered hair. Then again, it was the 80's. Later, Wendy was kind of nicer, but blech, they were so rude to me when I was little!

Sheree and JD Snead – I think my mom babysat them too. Sheree put on a puppet show once, but got embarrassed when I stranger showed up to pay and watch. J.D. was kind of a sore loser at board games (serious trantrums), but now I think he's a teacher at our old high school married to an ex-cheerleader (what can I say, my mom keeps tabs on the old neighborhood kids).

Samantha and Terri Coombs – next to the Llewellyns. Samantha was catholic and I once went to mass with her and took communion. I used to give her my old clothes. She was always very into boys. Very. Terri had white blond hair and was a bit annoying, but cute.

Tiffany Wade – lived with her single (gorgeous mom) and played the cello. Moved away sometime around 4th grade?

The Kids of the Buckner United Methodist Church

Chris Gross - red hed with glasses, he was really gross

Nathan & Aaron McLean - those boys were allergic to everything and I mean everything.

Cindy Howell - Her mom died when we were about 6 of cancer. I remember her mom took us out to eat one time and she was really fun.

Amanda Howell - I can't remember if she actually went to this church, but she was Cindy's cousin. She had long stick straight hair and bangs.

There was this kid that lived down the street from me (on the Allen side) that had a crush on me for like a day, but then met Michelle Lopez and decided she was way cooler.

Phillip Hoard - and his evil little brother lived at the end of the street by the apartments. I kind of hated Phillip. I think I still kind of hate him. His brother Paul too.

Kelly Burgess - I didn't really know her, she lived at the end of the street by Casey's. Her older sister Amy got pregnant her senior year. Kelly and Kathy Brown were best friends (Kathy lived across the street from Kelly). Anyhow, I always thought Kelly dressed really cool and I used to try to dress the same way, but always looked way dorky.

Brenda Schumacher – Brenda was kind of a 6th grade badass with feathered hair and blue eye shadow, so no idea how we became friends, but we did. We liked trading shoes and jackets. One time she wanted to fight me, but I got scared and apologized. I have yet to be in a fist fight.

Heather Siebenmorgen – She used to apply so much mascara, her eyelashes were a giant clump. Senior year she had a huge crush on Jason VanNatta (who was a once punched me in the stomach in the 6th grade - thanks Jason!).

Kristen Evans – I don’t know why we were friends really. No wait, I do - she was hilarious! She married Craig Jackson after high school and probably has children by now.

Scott Hummel – Johnny’s younger brother. He drove a Chevy Citation and was pretty smart. Salutatorian? I think so. That smarty Michelle Jeffress took the valedictorian title - Scott was robbed, lol.

Melissa Ichord – Friends with Christina Marshall. Arrived sometime during high school. Mooned someone along 291 for tailgaiting. I had never seen anyone do that before, and was quite impressed. Married Rick Gragg and moved to a trailer court after high school. Oh and Christina married someone with the last name of Hipponsteel. No lie. I went to Christina’s bachelorette party – hosted by Melissa – where we were forced to watch a porno. Ass porno. I am not making these things up. Oh yeah, Melissa’s mom was a guest. Also I got Melissa a job at the government office where I worked, but she was fired about a month later and the last time I saw her was in 1993.

Brandi Stringer - I think this was junior high era. Brandi had white blonde hair and a sister, Kyra, that had all her teeth silver capped. Brandi and I burned up scraps of paper in her rec room because the smell reminded us of marshmallows.

Melissa Abel - 5th/6th grade era friend. Slumber parties and skating parties. Catacombs haunted house.

Department of Probation and Parole

Liz Haislett – Supervisor from hell. Probably still works there. Her assistant, Patty Smith, was equally exciting. The types that get a job right after (or before) high school and never leave it. Ever.

Julie Reed – ok, this is retarded, but I thought she was cool and because she smoked, I started smoking. For 15 years! Anyhow, she was tall, blonde and think and those were three things I desperately wanted to be in 1993.

Jon Valentine – he had an awesome mullet and a squeaky voiced wife.

I forget everyone else’s name here. Another Patty (crazy medicated Patty), Lisa (??)

US Navy

Ok, I had fun here!

Kristi Settle – Ryan’s wife. She decided to be my friend for some reason. We used to go tanning together and eat at Olive Garden with her baby, Drew. We drove up to Jacksonville once to see her wannabe gangster boyfriend, Matt Bell. Her husband was pretty pissed about that and through a bottle of water on her. Burn! Last I heard from her, around 1999, she had big giant breast implants and wanted a divorce.

Hank Harmon – He was from Nebraska and I think he slept with half of my roommates. I slept with him once – just on the same futon in the Settle’s livingroom. Nothing happened. Well, he tried – A for effort. I still thought he was cute.

Tabitha Durkee – she was my second roommate and loved to play pool . We had a lot of fun doing stuff. - should you ever read this, truly sorry I desserted you as a roommate, you kicked ass. (and I was kind of a jerk back then)

Michelle Kiesacker – she was blonde and kind of annoying, but I was really a bitch to her for no apparent reason. And if you ever read this, sorry for that too. Thanks for catching the lizards in our room and disposing of cockroaches.

Gladys Macaoay – Another rooomate. We sang along to Heart of Glass one night and the POOW came up to see what the problem was.

Stephen Leather – He wore his BC’s even after boot camp. One time this Bonnie Raitt song came on the radio, and I went to change it, and he was all, no! And then he sang along with “Something to Talk About”.

Chris Litwin – I think he was the oldest in the class. He was married with a teenage stepdaughter. He was pretty funny.

Chris Locklear – He reminded me of a cabbage patch doll with his chubby cheeks, freckles and red hair. Southern accent. And a filthy mind! I mean filthiness. I kind of liked it.


Stacey Schwartz – Manager of the Meat and Cheese Island! Ditzy little thing!

Staci Adams – Mom to Kyle and Sydney and ex-wife to Jeff. I lived with Staci for a couple months and she helped me drive my car to Florida. Thanks for that.

Bobbi Easley – Married Harold and slept with the store manager.

Kim McKinney – Bobbi’s “friend”. Slept with the assistant store manager (who fired me . . . um for being drunk at work and passing out, but still!). Pfttt.

Jodie Bentley - She was fun! She drove a camaro and hung out in Westport (and sometimes I went with her) at . . . I think it was called Atlantis? But there was a name before that. Also Amerca's Pub. We spent new year's 1996 there.

A bunch of other people worked here, but I can’t remember names anymore. One girl had a gold front tooth and would call me at home when bored. Amy something, I took her line dancing once at the Independence Center. Stop laughing. Another girl started who was pregnant and bought a dresser for about $300 and that was the end of her. Still another girl thought it was ok to touch the meat with her bare hands. Some girl that worked at the law firm I once worked at. Gwen the full-timer who quit when pregnant. Yeah.

The Jones Store In beautiful Overland Park. Well I cannot remember everyone’s names here. Angela Harris was the manager and her husband worked there too.

Jewelynn - she worked in Ralph Lauren and looked like it. She had perfect hair and was perfectly thin.

Kari - always wore her hair in a pony tail, smoked and dreamed of moving back to Florida. She left to be a manager at a children's store.

Dawn - We actually worked together at the HomePlace, but she didn't remember me from there (I only lasted 2 weeks before quitting). She was unbelievably thin, and blonde and became the children's dept. manager.


Kristine Larracas – She had an aunt that gave me a chihuahua that wouldn't stop peeing in my house. She used to really like to eat cheese. I respect that.

Danica Tinsley – I didn’t like her too much at first, and I liked her even less at the end. But in between there were some really fun times. One of those people I wish I still knew. She had a giant cat that I only caught a glimpse of once.

Christina Fore – She could be funny sometimes! Total dorkiness. Oh and her sister, lol, oh my, those two together! Also she liked to eat ice. She liked it a lot. Seriously, a lot.

Melinda – Well this is where I met the Mighty Mo. I didn’t like her too much at first either, lol, but she became a great friend! She's in the Navy now doing stuff like shooting people and tying knots I'm sure.

Tammy Clark - the 80's haired boss. Her voice, shivers.

Truman Medical Center

Craig Carter – I once threw a sandwich at his head

Albina Turner – She was awesome and I loved her!

Kevin Costello – He always reminded me of a St. Bernard (and I mean that in a most amazing and beautiful kind of way).

Brent Brazell – Didn’t get the chance to know him that well, but he seemed neato.

Other people that don't fit in a certain category.

Rachel Diaz - She has the biggest breast implants of any of my friends and that is saying a lot.

Rebecca Barber - Someday she is going to get off the couch and shut off the tv.

Selena Guerra - Oh the Slinkers. I lived with her and Rebecca for a short time in 2007. We liked to watch Sex and the City and make picture frames. Rock on.

Jason Shinall - He is getting married in 2008. I took him kayaking once and he tipped the kayak over. Twice.

Raymond James

Colleen Matthews - She is the loudest person I have ever met. I don't think she ever stopped talking. Mainly about people.

Jessica Griffin - crafting partner in crime

John Desrocher - so weird. I never new if we were dating or not. I still don't know. I'm thinking no.

Scott Curtis - this was the most indifferent boss I have ever had in my life. I respect that.


Michael Bleau - what was the deal with him? I could never tell if he was hitting on me or not. But whatever, I liked him a lot. He's in Kentucky now.

Marla Meisenheimer - Marla is awesome. Crazy, but a good rock out kind of crazy.

Ernest - Burgundy haired, purple tie wearing, fool. He wore more makeup than me.

Chris and Eleanor - the walking dead duo of the underpants/tie department.

Joe - who did not love Joe? Joe is the man. He worked in the Cremieux department and dressed like a god.

Oh my gosh, this list is horribly out of date. If you are not on the list, it's due to my laziness. It knows no bounds . . .

2002-04-24 at 9:51 a.m.