facebook creeper

I have been looking up people I used to know on Facebook to see what they look like now and what they are up to. I wish some people would stop making their profiles private though. I donít want to be your friend, I just want to know what you look like now and move on. Oh well, I guess I donít put much on Facebook for anyone to see anyhow. I think I only have one or two pictures of myself (and a shitload of my dog) and I rarely post anything, and if I do, nothing too personal. So I should probably quit complaining about other people. Itís just that privacy settings make stalking so much more difficult.

I found this guy Brian I used to know from about 15-16 years ago. I could only see his profile picture, but he looks so different. Maybe he looks the same, but different than I remember in my mind. I was drunk a good portion of the time I hung out with him. I wonder if I look that different. Itís hard to tell because when you see yourself every day, how can you know? Sure you can compare pictures, but itís not easy to be objective about yourself. Iím going to try not to think about it too much. Bryan slept with two of my roommates (at different times). He slept with a lot of girls I knew and I a lot I didnít. I never could figure out what the appeal was for them. He was cute yes, but not so much that you would stop and go oooooh. He was sort of smart and could be kind of funny, but nothing that really stood out. Mostly he got really drunk and slept around. I still wonder why all those girls were sleeping with him. Maybe he was really good in bed? I never slept with him, but not for lack of effort on his part. Iím not even sure why I didnít, because really I used to sleep with anyone back then. It seemed easier to say yes than say no most of the time. We did get really drunk together one night, but we just fooled around a little and then fell asleep (he passed out) on someoneís futon. That was probably for the best. Oh Facebook, the crap you make me remember.

Iíve been looking around dland for diaries to read. It is hard to find people that are 1) interesting and 2) update. Seems I only find one or the other, but I will keep looking. I tend to look at the profiles of diaries I enjoy to find out who they are reading and go from there. Letís see what I can find.

Ok so switching topics, I quit smoking in 2011. March something. So yeah, but I kind of didnít all the way quit. I just switched to electronic cigarettes. I am choosing to believe they are not harmful. They are so fun! The flavors, the color batteries, the cases Ė so many options. The problem I think is that instead of helping me to quit smoking, they actually increased my smoking habits. Since itís just vapor, I have no problem smoking in my car, my house, my cubicle, in bed, wherever. I didnít like most of my friends to know when I used to smoke regular cigarettes. So if I was at home and going out to meet someone later or have someone come over and I wanted a cigarette before, it was a whole process. I would pull my hair up in a ponytail and put on a showercap. Then I would put on this giant zip up hoodie (even in summer) and one glove (on the smoking hand) and go out and smoke on my balcony. Finally afterwards I would wash my hands, brush my teeth and apply perfume. It was seriously time consuming to smoke just one cigarette. Now e-cigs I can smoke 10 seconds before you arrive and you would never even know.

I have been feeling incredibly sad lately that my twenties are over. I mean they have been over for a very, very long time. It is entirely possible my thirties are almost over too, but I'd need to check a calendar. Itís weird knowing that time in my life is completely and totally over and is never coming back. The numbers keep trending up. You know all those articles that talk about how great your 30ís are compared to your 20ís? I don't know if I believe that. Not that Iím not enjoying my life, but there was just something so satisfying about being young and not really worrying about the future. Quit a job, move across the country, pierce something, get a tattoo (bad choice, but still), go back to school and drop out a few times, stay out all night and go to work the next day Ė I miss those things. Making friends was so much easier too. Now at my age, most people have children and since I have chosen not to, well that makes finding new friends all the more difficult. While I am not trying to still live the life of a 20-something, my choices and actions are a lot different than someone my age who has kids whether it be toddlers or teenagers. That is probably why my best friend at work is 70 years old.

I am updating constantly, but I did not update at all in the last two years. Apparently I have a lot to say. There you have it.

2013-05-28 at 3:45 p.m.