another six months

Wow, I have only updated twice in a year. Impressive.

So I am just going to write about boring life things going on because I guess I like to have a record of my life to look back on . . . and looking back on the last year's entries leaves too many blanks.

I am moving at the end of this month. I have been in my little house for over a year and honestly I am sad to be leaving. Flat out depressed would be more accurate. I feel like the choices I have made have caused me to be in this financial hole and I feel really stupid because of it. My first house (well I am renting it) and now it is over. I am moving to an apartment that is pretty cute, but still, an apartment. That means 10 pm trips outside with dogs on leashes and no pushing out the back door to take their own sweet time when they want to go out at 6 am. My current landlord actually called yesterday and asked if I would be willing to stay if she fixed the back door (it has a lot of cold air gaps) and fixed the windows in the livingroom (none of them open, they are caulked/painted shut). So of course I said YES, not even thinking hey, dumbass, you are moving because you can't afford it. She then asked if I would be willing to pay half the realtor's fee ($400) because she has been showing the house since I already gave my 30 days notice. So I said YES, sure, why not?? Durrrrrrrrrrr. I was supposed to sign a year lease today on the house, but finally admitted that I cannot afford to stay here. I mean I really could, but there would be NO money left over for anything. I finally called her this morning after going back and forth over the whole situation ALL night and told her thank you, but no.

It really sucks, I mean I feel like such a loser. I have been looking for another better paying job for months. I send out 15-20 resumes a week and I have heard NOTHING. Not even a phone call, let alone an interview. Maybe this economy problem is real? I mean it was so easy a few years ago, send out a resume or two, go on an interview, start a job. In 2002, I moved to Florida with no job and barely $300 in savings, and had a job within two days of arriving. Now? Not so much. The worst part is that I had a good paying job and quit for a lower paying job. Then I quit that job for an even lower paying job. Genius!

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. So moving.

Also hope to be starting school soon. I finally finished my application and now have to wait to hear. It's kind of important for me to finish if I start this program. I have started and not finished at so many schools it's kind of ridiculous. I won't even go into the student loan situation I am in, but let's say I will be paying it off well after I am ordering the senior slam special at Denny's. So yes, determined to finish whatever I start. My only hesitation is my location, Colorado. I really hate it here, and spend a lot of time regretting leaving Florida. I seriously considered moving back in December, but again, it's not 2002 anymore and the worry about being able to find a job quickly enough made me decide to stay here. My next plan was to stay here until September and save up enough to move back . . . but that was dependent on my finding another job which has not obviously happened. So I don't know, I just feel so . . . stuck. And also just feeling so much regret for ever coming here because I honestly have NO idea what I am doing here. Lost I guess is another word for how I feel.

I am freezing and it is snowing outside. Oh how I hate snow. Probably should have thought of that before moving. I don't want to turn my heat up any higher because my gas bill was well over $100 last month. Everything is about money lately (or rather lack of it) and it's so bleak and boring to even think about.

The realtor has bringing over people almost every day to see my house and that is really hard to deal with. . . knowing that they have enough money to live here and I don't. See, again with the thinking about money.

Maybe things will be more cheery once winter is over? I can only hope!

2010-02-07 at 6:03 p.m.